marahmarie: Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell (Default)
[personal profile] marahmarie

All morning it poured as low, heavy winds assaulted our humble three story abode yet the utilities chugged away as though nothing was happening. As I got out of bed around 11:30 the rains died down and the Internet went out; about two hours later the sun started shining and we lost the power. I was deep-cleaning the refrigerator and therefore less than completely delighted - you probably could've heard me cursing the power company from down the block.

The power company rep I reported the outage to warmly assured me we'd have power again by 4:30 - yet at 3:00, the automated phone system couldn't estimate any repair time at all. At 4:30 the automated system told us to wait until 6. At 6 it told us to wait until 7, and all because the sun suddenly shined, which apparently snapped all the lines in this county. When I called the cable company around 12, they told me the Internet would be back on by 3 - but then we lost the power at 1:30 so it didn't matter. But when the power came back on at 7, guess what? So I got back on the phone with the cable company, who told me all those little bits of information that normally fly around the house would be flying around it again by 8.

By the time the Internet came back on that didn't matter, either; we were starving from not opening the fridge all day so I had to cook dinner while Fiance Person had to run to the store. And because the power had just come back on after being off for six hours I couldn't open the fridge without risking losing all the food - also, I have nearly zero budget for buying any more of it this month - so I got down on my hands and knees in front of the fridge, opened the door from the bottom by just one tiny little crack, and inserted my hand through said crack to pull out the Italian sausage, green peppers and onions I'd been planning to fry up, anyway. Then I spent the next two hours cooking and cleaning it all up.

Then I had to do laundry because Fiance Person needs work clothes for tomorrow! And the water heater won't let you take two showers in a row (you have to space showers about three hours apart for maximum hot water and I use all the hot water every time, so yeah) so I let Fiance person go first (he has to work tomorrow so he takes priority over me, since I have exactly nothing to do tomorrow) and then I collapsed in from of the computer to write this.

Oh, and how did I spend the entire day without power? Ha. Let me describe the ways: I dusted the entire inside of the house, scrubbed the kitchen, cleaned the box fan in the living room inside and out, ate cold leftover meatloaf with potato chips for lunch while I read the paper (this was the only break I took), scrubbed the glass shower stall, scrubbed the toilet, swept 3 flights of stairs outside from top to bottom and back up, and repeatedly called the power company for updates. Fiance Person made his first trip to the store during this time after happily hand-building gaskets all day (don't ask) only to find out their power was out, too.

On his second trip to the store the trucks for the power company, the cable company and CenturyLink all passed him on the road pretty much in a row and the store hadn't even turned its computers back on so he had to wait in a line that snaked around the back of the place, which was how he came to learn everyone lost everything today. Whoever came up with today can shoot it right between the eyes because I am done with it (time to throw the laundry in the dryer...grrrrr)...

ursamajor: people on the beach watching the ocean (Default)
[personal profile] ursamajor
Last slice of the hazelnut torte. #mine #vscocam
batwrangler: Just for me. (Default)
[personal profile] batwrangler
I love this:
http://www.westelm.com/products/embroidered-leaf-duvet-cover-shams-b1297/
(or http://batwrangler.tumblr.com/post/82852123219/west-elm-embroidered-leaf-duvet-cover-shams-with)

Especially the view with the charcoal and blue accent pillows, but those pillows and the charcoal quilt are all separate items, so to get the bedding "set" as shown, you'd have to buy the duvet cover, two matching shams, a separate quilt and matching sham, and a separate accent sham (and possibly also the "insert" pillows for the square pillows, not to mention the lovely blue throw) at that puts the cost of the bedding show north of $500.
erika: Text with picture of Neil Patrick Harris: When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.  True story. (words: start being awesome)
[personal profile] erika
Scenes over the last few weeks:

Thank god for spring.



Content warning: not giving a fuck about suicidality. )



A few days ago:
My head hurts. It's the steady ache of my days, separating dream from reality. Lucid dreaming's a snap when you have chronic pain; if I'm in reality, then I'm in pain. The ache in my head is unrelenting, though modest, a steady drumming thrum of plucked strings and high wires.

My heart hurts: it aches so deeply that I experience "heartbreak" as so much more than a word. Maybe it's impossible to convey, that searing agony that forces me to my knees and desperate tears to my face, denial already on my lips, like a punch from a cannon into my sternum. But—but—it passes. It dwells within me and then escapes, only to come back at the oddest times to remind me of the pain, to make me think "Oh god, I will die. I'm dying right now."

You say hername went with you on that hike, and I wonder what else you're keeping from me. I remember how you said, "I think it's for the best." I don't know what's for the best anymore.




The last section speaks to the fact that while under unimaginable emotional stress, Josh broke up with me for a few days.

I told him, fine, move out, but I'm keeping the lease. I rallied my support system, and played "So What" by P!nk a lot, but I was okay, fundamentally. That surprised me more than anything else. Afterwards, he said he was proud of me for telling him to get out and asserting myself like that.





"What would it look like if it weren't that", my social worker asks me.

She nearly interrupted me when I started talking, a pre-emptive apology for phrasing it badly—that's how I know she was either embarrassed or I make fun of people too much for weird phrasing, but I interrupted her right back and said "No, no, it stuck in my head."

I'd been rambling about how I worry, like usual, that i'm not helping anyone at work and that i'm a major burden, but she had said that and it felt ... like a splinter, like the tip of an iceberg that would drench me in cold water once I'd worked it out.

So I thought about it, pondered in my mind what that meant to me, her words, because I can never resist a challenge.

What would the opposite of your fear look like, perhaps. And I had this feeling, concurrent with a stumbling inability to put emotions to words that I've recently discovered as a barrier to discussing the most important parts of me—a decent yellow flag if you think of it that way—
I felt like "the opposite of my fear is what's in reality."

As in, if I fear that I'm a burden at work, the opposite of that would be a valued contributor who pays attention to the moment and plans for the future, is rooted in reality.

In reality.

Yes, I am a valued contributor at work, says the evidence. But I'm not looking for the shadow of the mountain of evidence, I'm not listening to the appreciative thanks that land in my ears, I'm not running my fingers over the embroidered deeds and words and support I've given happily at work, so I don't know it.

I fear that Josh is tired of me and sickened by me, and the opposite of that is that he loves me and wants to be around me more often than he wants to be around anyone else. Again, I think that has evidence for it.

But how can I know what being a valued contributor would look like, or being really appreciated as a partner, because I've never had those experiences before or if I did, they came along too fleetingly for me to understand them, underscored by the long uncomfortable punctuations of being hurt instead of heard?

(Hurt instead of heard: a small flippancy to the dreadful experiences that I hope you'll forgive me.)

This has the flavor of the uncomfortable perspective shift that always accompanies epiphanies for the first few days.

If I don't know what it is, if I haven't defined it for myself, then I won't ever know it even if I do encounter it.

If I don't know what it is, I wouldn't recognize it were it right in front of me. Yet being with Josh, and working this last month, I've had the very strong feeling that these experiences are distinctly different from others.

However, when it was only with Josh, and me not seeing this effect in other areas of my life, perforce unique, entirely, to recognize that he values me. Adding to that when I got this job and they value me too, it wasn't as shocking and it also meant——hey, this isn't just a fluke.

Somehow I find this revelation comforting, even affirming. It says to me "yes, Virginia, there is hope. These things do exist, and may even be in your life right now, but you haven't learned to recognize them. Now I know I haven't learned to recognize them.

As Archimedes said, give me a lever and a place to stand.




The opposite of my fear is what's in reality also has another meaning to me. I think sometimes I... react to my fears like they are reality. Even often, I do that, perhaps. Certainly more than I want to.

The epiphany of these last few paragraphs serves to move my world view a few degrees, and here I am, rotated into seeing my life differently with that arc of space.

Many times I fear things that may not or probably won't happen and act as though they must BECOME reality at some point. For whatever reason: a fertile imagination, past bad experiences, playing too many video games——that last was a joke.

I don't want to waste my energy like that anymore. I have better things to do.

Hydra 2014

Apr. 15th, 2014 01:48 pm
mundens: Pixie -like angel with fiery wings (Burning Angel)
[personal profile] mundens

Great weekend, need moar sleep.

I have however, proved to myself that I am still capable of staying up till four in the morning on both Friday & Saturday night, and still going to work the next Monday. Luckily I didn't have a lot of thinking to do on Monday. So what is it about Naomi, Steph, Nick & I, that results in the four of us always being in the Maere Hall (Taverna) long after midnight? This time we were joined by Daniel & on Saturday night also by Ollie. Team Snore Room FTW!

Friday night I got to be Bobby Singer in "Roadhouse Blues." It was a lot of fun, especially the way the random music kept being appropriate to the situation. As per the series, we failed to save any of the "innocent humans" in the end. All in all, a good start to Nick's LARP writing career, even if he did try to lead me into the river twice in a row.

Saturday morning  Bryn & I played inquisitors in Kerry & Paula's Exodus. The most interesting thing to me in the game was observing the power dynamics. Even though significantly outnumbered, not once were the inquisitors truly threatened by any of the villagers, and even the most belligerent and powerful male in the village submitted to his torture without a struggle.

I remember one of the stroppier villagers (Sam, I think?) at one point declaring You can't burn all of us!" and enjoyed watching the play of emotions over her face as we replied, almost in unison "Yes, we can. We will raise the entire village if necessary!"

Of course, we burned two innocents, the very observant old woman, and the priest who confessed to spare the rest of the village, meaning it was technically a tragic failure, but it was still great as an exploration of the context. Another interesting thing was how both Bryn and I were so keen to get out of the Inquisitor robes at the end.

Saturday afternoon I played in Hannah Mckie's BDL Play Competition. This reminded me why I prefer being in LARPs over being in plays, I suck at remembering lines. It was interesting to see the sexism inherent in a lot of the structures, the guy with the least lines who appears only briefly at the end of the play, listed first in the Dramatis Personae, the actors being given their certificates in the prize giving in this order also.

And I experienced being a "cripple". I don't know if Hannah intentionally meant for the warm-up exercises that consisted mainly of walking to be such a trial for James, the polio victim with a semi-functional leg, but that, and said leg accidentally catching the chair leg as I got up to receive my certificate, and people throughout assuming I couldn't do things because of my leg, and trying to be "nice" to me because of it... well, let's just say that I feel I have a far better understanding of how those with real physical restrictions might feel, though of course being subject to it for only three hours can't be compared to living it.

Then Saturday evening I got to be the opposite, a supremely confident and extremely physically capable Bravosi. Thanks Daniel, for that first round fight. It was a perfect way of introducing my character to those who hadn't met him yet. I loved pulling off the woolen cloak and fighting in the rain in the cut-down tunic and just generally acting as an honourable swashbuckler. By the end of the game though, Itzal had become somewhat numb. he had been robbed of his vengeance on Seda by another's  dishonourable act, he had been knocked out of the tournament, and he had discovered too much about what the "Ruler" became. He was happy for his sister Rosalia, & Amatus, whom he considered a brother, as their loves worked out, and for the end of the feud, but knew he would lose his only love again at the end of the evening when Damoc returned to the dead. With the ranks of the Bravosi  drastically reduced by the various events of the evening, there was little left for him but duty to family & his newly returned sister. I must give my thanks yet again, Leonie, for the lovely last memory of Damoc you left Itzal with.
 
Sunday morning was Slash. I was impressed with the way the new players threw themselves so physically into their roles, & it wasn't at all awkward having my son acting as an NPC. Not at all. :) 

Sunday afternoon I attended a funeral. By this stage I was starting to burn out, so couldn't summon up any energy to protest about being ejected from the funeral, after my plans had failed, though this was also partially because IC I felt bad about those plans anyway. So I took a few photos of Hydra Games instead. Will try & upload them soon. It was nice of Sophie's character to talk to me outside anyway, and later for her & the monkey girl *grin* to invite me back inside. Though quite why I was the monkey girl's hero I don't know.

The tea-cup mechanic was interesting, but often hard to react to usefully, as often one is thinking about what one has just said, or what the hecks going on over there?

So overall, I played Bobby Singer, a filth wizard, two homosexual men, a religious torturer, and a swashbuckling bravo. None of these were married, or hooked up in any way, to Naomi, so I think that streak has been well & truly broken.

Not all the emotions I experienced in character over this weekend were fun, some of the were downright horrible, but luckily I am, OOC, happy enough at present that I could actually enjoy feeling terrible IC.  

 

Mixed blessings

Apr. 14th, 2014 07:24 pm
yourlibrarian: Buffy's life sucks (BUF-LehSuck-eyesthatslay)
[personal profile] yourlibrarian
1) What is with the weather? Saturday it was 78 degrees. Tonight it will snow and we're in mid April! If the tree buds all get damaged I will be very put out. Read more... )

2) I am not thrilled that Stephen Colbert will be replacing David Letterman. Read more... )

3) I hadn't been planning to see Winter Soldier so soon but am not sorry I did. Read more... )

4) I was excited to see that Orlando Jones was going to be on the "Cloneversation". Read more... )

5) Speaking of Colbert earlier, it was fun to see how thrilled Jon Stewart was to have Pele visit and then give him that jersey. I'm looking forward to the World Cup and hope that it's not the disaster my relatives think it will be.

The Movement

Apr. 12th, 2014 07:48 pm
zvi: self-portrait: short, fat, black dyke in bunny slippers (Default)
[personal profile] zvi
So, I did finish catching up to The Movement, and I kind of love it a lot. It's a book all about a bunch of ragtag misfits who have pulled each other into a created family. They are taking care of each other because no one else will. They try to broker peace over donuts and milkshakes. (Sometimes this work and sometimes not so much.)

Also, there's <jazz hands>city politics</jazz hands> and the Channel 52 news spots at the end of every issue are both hilarious and terrifying. (Apparently the world is being taken over by either an evil!Justice League or Red Lanterns. Possibly both?)

Anyway, lots of ladies, emotionally and physically disabled characters, lesbians and asexual women, and the mysterious daddy issues back story belongs to a women who doesn't have time for Daddy issues, she's raising a community/army, thank you.

The writer is Gail Simone and the artist is Freddie Williams. It starts a little slowly, but I definitely recommend it.

Spring Is Here

Apr. 12th, 2014 02:46 pm
lea_hazel: Wonder Woman (Genre: Comics)
[personal profile] lea_hazel
Everything is happening.

Thursday was a friend's birthday party, which I sadly missed due to falling asleep at ten-ish. On Friday I managed to repair a messed up situation regarding my regular prescriptions, with largely no ill-effect, which I feel I can be proud of. Then I skipped out on family dinner because it's almost Pesach and I'll be seeing everyone soon, anyway.

Speaking of Pesach, sometime in winter there was a sale at Torrid and I picked up two dressed that I've been waiting for spring to wear. One of them needed hemming, so I went to the local seamstress and promptly forgot to pick it up for about a month. At least these kinds of slipups don't prey on my mind the way they ordinarily used to do.

So many people around me are doing depression blogging. Really makes you appreciate certain things.

Tuesday is the first holiday and then on Wednesday and Thursday I have work, and possibly the local spring con in the evening. Gonna have to bite the bullet and ask my sister if I can crash at hers one night. Then again, I don't know how many of the events I'd really be interested in. At least when it comes to a workday evening.

TAPTAPTAP Is this thing on?

Apr. 12th, 2014 12:42 am
ladyrelaynie: Me with way too much eye makeup on (Default)
[personal profile] ladyrelaynie
Wow. Haven't updated since 2010. FOUR YEARS.


Got out of the habit of writing a blog a long long time ago. Let's see if I can get started again!

Sooooo . . . what's new? I'm 32, about to turn 33. My God I feel old. Gone are the days when you didn't post pictures of yourself online. Mostly anyway. So that's me in my icon. I was testing out a new eyeliner. Yeah, not so much. It's the most recent one I have though, so it'll do.

Still feel a little antsy about putting a picture of me out there, actually! Old timer.

Well, it's absurdly late and I should be sleeping, so goodnight all (or good morning, depending on when you read this.) If anyone still does. If you do, HI!
marahmarie: Sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell (Default)
[personal profile] marahmarie

pulchritude explains (you'll need website images enabled; she has many screen shots). Also - if needed - comments on this post will remain screened...just tell me what you think, y'all.

Btw...using anything to hide background images, like I mentioned I did after seeing this shot, will still show DW's usericon images in the sidebar because they're not part of inline background images but are baked into the page layout itself. They'll show up no matter what unless you choose a method that hides all images on a web page.

ETA, 4-13-14: As a workaround and because I've been meaning to do so forever but never thought I could without screwing up just about everything, I've added entry linkbar/comment linkbar textlinks back in (the layout never originally called for any; the original, untouched CSS uses pure iconery without any text - which, just to be on the safe side, was set to font-size: 0; - yes, horrible for usability, but sooooooo damn lovely to look at).

But the comment icons in particular have always annoyed me, so no big loss. I can see just fine, but they were oh-so-vague and completely confusing (and no, I don't think there's enough room for icons and text; when I tried that, some linkbars started wrapping to four lines with totally random-sized chunks of white space). Not to mention page load is like ziiiip now without them.

Plus if you chose to surf without background images enabled (this is not an odd or unusual choice; proxy users, ABP users who choose to right-click and block images en masse, Web Dev users on Fx/Chrome, Fx Userstyle.css users, and users on dial-up all come to mind) you couldn't leave a comment or manage or edit your own comments without first switching to "style-light" or site scheme from the navbar (if you were already using the navbar, since I don't enable it by default!) or else by disabling my CSS altogether, which I'll admit sucked. A lot.

*p

Apr. 10th, 2014 10:52 pm
jmtorres: From Lady Gaga's Bad Romance music video; the peach-haired, wide-eyed iteration (Default)
[personal profile] jmtorres
apparently
i decided to fight the dragon that is school
the day my period was due.
i am now bleeding

Spring is for nesting

Apr. 9th, 2014 08:19 pm
yourlibrarian: Robin sits on her nest (NAT-Robin)
[personal profile] yourlibrarian
1) You know it's spring when, regardless of temperature, the birds start nesting. Or start trying, anyway. Over the past few weeks we have been observing a mourning dove pair hanging around the balcony, kissing and preening and mating, and inspecting all corners of the balcony for suitable spots. Read more... )

2) 538.com looked at The Bechdel Test and return on investment in movies that fulfilled it. For starters Read more... )

3) Saw Rush, found it interesting. Not much else to say about it except that Chris Hemsworth is very attractive, even if he's not really my type. (You kind of have to be, to overcome 70s fashion).

4) Sort of on that track, Agents of Shield has become much more interesting. Read more... )

5) At least Europe has had better luck on the net neutrality front.

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